Sacred Parenting (Gary Thomas)

As many of you know at this past summer my life changed forever. I became a dad!!! Here's not the place to describe all of the stress felt as your wife labors in pain to deliver your child, or the amazing feeling when you finally hold your daughter in your arms... needless to say Rachel has been a huge blessing in my life already and she's not even 3 months only :)

I'm not sure who Karen recommend this book to Karen but its the first "parenting" book we bought and one I definitely recommend. It's titled "Sacred Parenting" by Gary Thomas.

Here's a couple of quotes from the Introduction and you'll see why this was a great first parenting-type book to read.

The process of raising children requires skills that God alone possesses, and we are decidedly not God...If you thought this book would give you 5 steps to help your daughter succeed in school or 10 steps to prepare your son for adolescence, you're in for a big disappointment. Instead, it approaches a much different territory - how God uses these children to shape us, spiritually speaking. (pg 12)

Our kids have taught us how to sacrifice (chapter 12), and how to handle guilt (chapter 3); they've schooled us in the art of listening and forced us to our knees in prayer (chapter 4); they've shown us how to laugh (chapter 5), how to grieve (chapter 9) and how to live courageously (chapter 6); they've helped us face our inadequacy, need, and reliance on One who is greater than we are (chapter 13). The experience of parenting comprises one of the most influential aspects of spiritual formation I've ever known. (pg 13)

Spiritually speaking, we need to raise children every bit as much as they need us to raise them (pg 15).

One of the things I must confess already is that there have been times when it's easier to just let Rachel cry, or leave Rachel and Karen upstairs and selfishly "run" and "retreat" to do my own thing. God help me!

If we have only a selfish motivation, we will run from parenting's greatest challenges... not by retreating to our bedrooms or backyards, but to our offices, boardrooms, workout clubs, Starbucks or even churches. (pg 17)

But I must remember too that their are times when the most loving thing I can do as Rachel's dad and Karen's husband is to pour myself into God's Word and prayer...

Parenting is like an airline emergency. Parents should put on their own masks first before attending to their kids... What's true in the air physically is equally true on the ground spiritually. If we neglect our own "spiritual oxygen" - our walk with God - our motivations will become polluted. (pg 19)

One of the things this book repeated over and over is that parenting cannot be done in our own strength. God alone is in control - not us. Our role is to point our children to Jesus.

Parenting demands skills of me that I don't possess... It also puts me on the spot, in charge, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year - and even 366 days in a leap year. (pg 40)

None of us can be such good parents that God becomes obligated to save our children's souls. On the more encouraging end, none of us can mess up so badly that our children somehow extend beyond the reach of God's mercy. (pg 43)

I can't be God to my kids, but I can model my need for God (pg 46)

Another important reminder in this book was that parenting isn't just all about "the kids". God uses parenting to refine, purify and sanctify me! God, please use these next 20+ years when Karen and I have little ones running around our humble home to make me more like Jesus and to help me enjoy life more!

God has created an institution - the family - through which he can shape, mold, and form all of us, parents included. We come into the family as imperfect people, and we sin against each other every day; yet through rubbing shoulders and learning to ask for, and offer, forgiveness, we all come out the richer for taking part in this sometimes painful process. (pg 51)

Our children can also teach us to become a little less busy and enjoy life a whole lot more. (pg 82)

I absolutely loved this personal story that Gary Thomas shared. When I read it I stopped and prayed, "God I can't wait to get a phone call similar to this from Rachel! And when it happens, help me do the right thing and drop work to come home."

Instead of listening to traffic and weather reports "on the fives" I stretched out, a small step from heaven, in a place called contentment - not because of a call from a publisher, a job promotion, or a raise, but because a 4 year old had called with a simple question: "Dad, would you come home early and play football with me today?" (pg 84)

Have you ever thought how many relationships you had in your family growing up?

A family of five represents ten distinct relationships! Tension or disagreement in just one of those relationships can affect the entire family. (pg 142)

I had never thought about that but consider:
A family of 2 = 1 relationship (ie me + Karen). That's what our Heska family used to consist of.
A family of 3 = 3 relationships (ie me + K, K + Rachel, me + Rachel)
A family of 4 = 6 relationships
A family of 5 = 10 relationships
A family of 6 = 15 relationships
Pretty crazy!

This next quote was a good reminder too:

Pastor, it's okay that not every one of your sermons will be remembered... Go ahead and take that walk with your kids, even if your weekly sermon suffers. (pg 160)

I personalized it and thought "David it's okay that not every Saturday you get to read the newspaper" or "David it's okay that not every time you lead a Bible study that you've gone over the content 3x until you've read all of the parallel passages" or "David it's okay if you leave work on time. Tomorrow the same work will be sitting there for you."

God, help me to know when to say yes to ministry opportunities and when to say no. I recognize there will be different "chapters" in life and I thank you for each of them.

It is shortsighted at best, and the height of arrogance at worst, for fathers or mothers to become so busy with their own ministries and lives that they shortchange their children. (pg 184)

Elton Trueblood has helped many Christians face this between between family life, service, and devotion by pointing out that we live our lives in chapters. No one chapter defines a complete story. There is the chapter of your singleness, the chapter of your first years as a married couple, the chapter of your years raising toddlers, the chapter of your years raising teens, the chapter of your years as empty nesters, and the chapter of your years as a grandparent. God won't judge our lives by one chapter in isolation but by the story these chapters, woven together, create. (pg 192)

Help me to remember...

As parents, we cannot and must not live as childless men and women. (pg 192)

Here's one last fictional but cute story that makes me smile :)

A young father followed the same routine every evening: He went into the kitchen, opened a cupboard, and took out a glass. He then walked over to a cupboard, pulled out a cookie jar, took out two or three cookies, and put them on a plate. Then he'd go to the refrigerator, get some milk, and pour himself a tall glass. Following that, he'd walk into the living room and enjoy his milk and cookies while sitting in his favourite chair.

One evening as he was heading into the kitchen for his nightly ritual, the father noticed his 3 year old son heading into the kitchen ahead of him. The boy had a determined look on his face. Instead of announcing his presence, the father decided to stay unobserved so that he could watch what his son seemed so determined to do. The boy pulled out several drawers, essentially making steps so he could climb onto the counter - something he was forbidden to do. Next he walked across the counter (another no-no) and opened an upper cupboard door. He reached in and pulled out a glass, knocking over several other glasses in the process. The young boy placed his glass down, hopped off the counter, then picked up his glass, and put it on the floor. He marched to the refrigerator and pulled out the milk, then poured it into the glass. The flowing milk proved too strong for his little hands, and it spilled over the top of the glass. The little boy wiped up the spilled milk with his shirt.

Then he left his milk, walked over to another cupboard, and pulled out the cookie jar. This was strictly forbidden; the father's son knew he wasn't supposed to get cookies without permission. But he reached in and while doing so pulled several other cookies out of the jar. The boy put them back and wiped up the crumbs with his milk-soaked shirt. The father stepped out to intercept his son, only to be greeted by a huge smile. "Here are your cookies, Dad. I love you!"

In this story, I want you to place yourself in the son's position, not the dad's. We're the little child, trying to serve our heavenly Father and yet making a lot of messes in the process. We can't reach as high as we'd like, so we make do with makeshift steps to reach the counter. We knock over a few glasses, and we spill the milk while we're trying to prepare a drink. Lacking all wisdom, we come up with the great idea of cleaning up the mess with our shirt instead of with a washcloth. But what dad wouldn't feel touched by such a display of service, however messy it might be? (pg 52).

My prayer on September 24, 2011

God, as Karen and I stand up at church tomorrow to dedicate Rachel - it's only a public profession of our private heartfelt prayers. You have blessed us abundantly by entrusting us with the life of little Rachel Elisabeth and we declare that she is not ours, but yours.
I reiterate a what I declared at our wedding reception, that "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord". But I know that accomplishing this is not something I can do on my own. Help Karen and I love, protect, teach and nourish Rachel. Thank you for the family and friends we have to support us in this great adventure. In your time call Rachel into your kingdom. Seek her and save her. May she place her faith in You Jesus, as her Lord and Saviour at a young age; and may she live for You all her days.
For your glory alone and the sake of your great name among the nations. Amen.