Bringing Up Girls (Dobson)

2 years ago as a new dad I was given this book for Christmas.  As the founder of Focus on the Family I knew that there would be many things that I agreed with Dr. James Dobson on, but I also knew there’d be a few things I’d disagree with.  In fact I skimmed parts of the book on adolescent, puberty, and a few of his 2-3 page sections about how bad western culture has become.  Overall I’m happy to be able to take these few quotes and lessons from the book.  God help me be a good dad!!

“It used to be that girls from 6-10 were the prime market for Barbie and other dress-up dolls.  Nowadays, Barbie is targeted to 3-5 year olds.” – pg 10

“[God has] placed within girls a winsome and caring nature that should be recognized and cultivated.” – pg 14

“Tell your daughter she is pretty every chance you get.  Hug her.  Compliment her admirable traits.  Build her confidence by giving her your time and attention.  Defend her when she is struggling.  And let her know that she has a place in your heart that is reserved only for her.  She will never forget it.” – pg 21

I’ve been trying to do this here in South Sudan taking her out for tea and to the market, or in Kenya going out for milkshakes. 

“Girls are likely to be more expressive and emotional than most boys almost from birth…She will also cry more often…” – pg 29

“Girls have innate skills of observation, including the ability to hear human vocal tones in a broader range of frequencies. A study at Harvard Medical School found that newborn females less than 24 hours old are able to distinguish the cries of another baby from various sounds in the room.” – pg 30

“Parents must always remember that perceptive little people, especially their girls, are watching their every move.” – pg 31

Sometimes Rachel says to Karen “Daddy’s frustrated” when I’m visibly upset with something.  She knows!

“At the dinner table and before bedtime there are intimate moments” – pg 34

Help me God be there for these moments!

“I firmly believe that you should require your kids to say thank you and please… Require them to excuse themselves when leaving the table, and explain how to make friends, how to take turns talking in a group, and how to make eye contact.” – pg 40

“Kids thrive in an environment of order, vigilance, and close supervision, which is very difficult to provide by those who come home every night exhausted, distracted and frazzled.  The question that every family raising small children must answer is one of priorities: where is the best place for a mom to invest her time?  All things being equal, I recommend that mothers who do have the option consider the welfare of their children first, especially when they are young. Attachment won’t wait.” – pg 67

Ask questions like “Do you know how proud I am of you? Do you know how much I love you?” – pg 81

“None of the callers to the Father's Day radio program said, ‘Thanks Dad for earning a lot of money’ or ‘Thanks for the big house you provided for us’ or ‘Thanks for the Mercedes or BMW’. No one mentioned living in an upscale neighbourhood.  Instead caller after caller said, ‘Thanks, Dad, for loving me and for being there for me.’” – pg 91

“Dad’s who want to connect with their little girls… need to spend one-on-one time with them…. Put these activities on the calendar, and do not let the dates get canceled or postponed.” – pg 96

Short proverbs from another book “Father to Daguther: Life Lessons on Raising a Girl”

• Her mom will show her how to bake chocolate chip cookies.  You show her how to dunk them in milk.
• Never lose the wonder of watching her and her mother together
• Read to her often.  Very soon, she’ll be reading to you.
• Ask her about her day, every day.  Share her wonder.
• Never argue with her mom in front of her.  As hard as it may be, walk away
• Let her see, by the way you treat your wife, the way a man is supposed to treat a woman

“It is obvious that the individual attention and verbal interaction between parents and children is clearly superior to that provided by paid employees handling large numbers of children” – pg 139

“According to one estimate published by the American Academy of Family Physicians, children in daycare are 18 times more likely to become ill than other children” – pg 140

“Distinguish between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility… As we know, children will regularly spill things, lose things, break things, forget things and mess up things… but when they say “I will not” or “You can’t make me” it’s different.” – pg 149

“Some misbehaviour should be overlooked and taken no notice of [referring to childish irresponsibility], and others mildly reproved.  But no willful transgressions ought ever to be forgiven children without chastisement, more or less as the nature and circumstances of the offense shall require” – Susanna Wesley (250 years ago, mother of 19 children)

“And for the Christian family, it is extremely important to pray with the child (at the time of discipline) admitting to God that we have all sinned and no one is perfect.” – pg 150

“Take your family on vacation at least a week at a time.  Long weekends don’t qualify because it just isn’t long enough to break the daily routine or reconnect the relationship.  You need a week without texting, emailing, and everyone’s cell phones.  Switching your devices to vibrate is not enough.  Turn them completely off” – pg 194